'What now?' and questioning practice

 

I was watching a really interesting live stream yesterday with a well known Broadway actor. In it, she admitted that she really wasn't looking forward to going back to doing 8 shows a week on Broadway. This shocked me! When we were training in musical theatre, the idea of being on the West End or Broadway was the dream! So to hear this artist say that it wasn't fulfilling and that they wanted to take their career down a different path was incredible. She said that her mental health and quality of life suffered being on such a tight schedule. The reason I mention this is because, for me, it demonstrates Adesola's point that your practice is it's own thing. Even when you've 'made it', become successful in the industry, the job is still just the job. Your practice is so much more and linked with who you are as a person.

So the questioning is hard at work and although my brain feels like it's melting, I'm glad that I'm starting to discover things. I'm beginning to feel a shift in my thinking toward my practice already. I've included a rough map of what my practice has looked like since graduating from early on in the module. I've been referring to the map this week to help myself dig deeper and ask questions about my practice.

There have been considerable shifts both in location and in my focus. I've had acting jobs and a lot of 'paying the rent' jobs. One thing I noticed and wanted to investigate is the major 'what now?' moments I've experienced, the most recent of which came after Covid hit and I got laid off. How did I react in these moments? Are there any common factors that reveal a bit more about who I am as a performer (and as a person)? One thing I noticed is my resilience and ability to adapt to circumstances which I'm sure can be said of anybody on this course, especially during a time like this. But it's nice to actually see in black and white that no matter what life has thrown at me, I tend to use these tough moments to refocus and set new goals. 

Another thing I noticed is that I'm an eager learner and forever learning new skills. I keep exploring new dance styles, singing styles, medias and ways of acting. This is probably the reason I'm on this course now! I remember an old ballet teacher who would always stress the importance of keeping things fresh and not getting stuck in your same old routine, in any part of your life. That's something I definitely agree with and try to live by. After all, the industry is always changing so it's important to keep up. (Not always an easy thing to do!) 

Linked with this point is that I seem to be at my happiest/most fulfilled when I'm creatively alive. When my muscles are limber, my voice is healthy and my imagination is active and full of new ideas. I reflected on the job I had before lockdown and realised why I was so unhappy during that brief period. The job itself was fine, the people were mostly lovely, I was making decent money but I had absolutely ZERO free time. I didn't attend any classes, I didn't have time for hobbies, I didn't have time to meet friends let alone have creative projects. And it showed! I am so much happier now, even in these uncertain times, because I had time to stop and take stock. I started taking Zoom classes, became a BAPP ACI student, and found a drama teaching job that is so much more suited to me! This links with what I was saying about that Broadway actress at the beginning. Your practice seems to be it's own living, breathing thing and as an artist, if you ignore it or do away with your practice altogether, it seems to me that over all well being suffers. But maybe that's more linked to why we start to perform in the first place. My voice coach back home said something interesting once. To paraphrase, 'People who can sing, really sing, and don't use that talent. That eats away at a person.' I wonder how much truth there is to that? Is it a case of not being true to yourself negatively affects you long term? I'd love to know what you think!

At this point, it still feels like I have a massive jumble of notes and thoughts but one of the tips I took away from Peter during yesterdays Skype discussion was the 'Generate-Organise-Present' structure. I found this hugely comforting as it made me feel more free to just write like crazy and keep exploring different avenues, even if they lead nowhere, and worry about the essay structure when the time comes. So for now I'm going to keep questioning and rambling! I'd love to hear what you guys think and I'll make sure I read all of your latest posts!